Don't come round here!
I will fuck your socks off— and sell them back to you!
The sex was free;
But the socks will cost you.
But—they're my socks.
Were and could be again…for a price.
Goddamn.
Yes, Goddamn indeed.
BROH.
JOHN OLIVER IS MAD BRITISH.
AVADAKAVARAH!
I TOLD YOU, I WAS A WITCH DOCTOR!
WHATEVER! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A LATE NIGHT HOST!
EVERYBODY HAS A DAY JOB.
THAT'S A NIGHT JOB!
EXPECTO-PA–
POTTER!!!
WHAT IN THE [BEEP}! YOU'RE A WIZARD?!
OF COURSE I'M A BLOODY WIZARD–WHAT THE HELL DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU?!
ANOTHER LATE NIGHT HOST–OR WHATEVER!
“OR WHATEVER” I'M A WIZARD–
HARRY.
What the [bleep]
EVERYBODY HAS A DAY JOB
™
Please, by all means,
Keep your pretty white girlfriend.
I want to see those eyes come through
What a handsome couple.
They are the scariest thing ever.
Let them be, then;
Out to be fun to watch.
I can't listen to Drake on my loud speakers bro.
Not—like loud, man.
That shit makes me feel like a whole ass basic black girl.
True story.
Sometimes you gotta distance yourself from the “yassss” birds.
I saw this one comedian performing—
Well, I think he was a comedian.
He wasn't funny to me but,
He had like 710K followers
And he was really really pretty.
I had to notice that, because as imm listening to him preform, about 30 minutes into the video—
I was waiting to see if he would make me actually laugh—
He didn't—
But—
As I was trying to figure out how he has 710K followers
And has not made me laugh, not once
I start paying closer attention to him—
And I realize;
“Oh”
He is major good looking.
At first I didn't notice—
I like white guys— so,
Of course,
At first glance
I'm like
“Hey brother!”
You know, like
“That's my son!”
I'm like
“Yeah, make me laugh, boy.”
But he didn't
And then as I start to wonder
Like,
Why or how he has so large of a following
I notice he's very beautiful.
And I mean, like mad gorgeous.
Like ideally—
I'm like
“Oh” and as I'm realizing this,
He's saying the punchline to a “joke,”
And as he's saying it, I realize that way in the back,
Like you can hear that they're in the back
Cause the camera is in the center,
And like half of the audience is behind the film crew
, and you can hear these girls are in the way—
Like in the way back
Like in the way, way back,
You can hear like a pack of ratchets—
Yes— these must be his die hards—
His squad.
Not like his homies or anything, but like
The Groupies.
You know.
The hopefuls.
He's got this group of black girls like hackling in the back, like clapping hard at all his punches like
“YAS!”
“SAY IT!”
And it was funny because his reaction to these girls was like
“I'm—not in control of this.”
“RIGHT!”
“SAY LESS!”
I'm like,
Oh, I see how that works, now.
{Enter The Multiverse}
And even I
Just want it to fucking stop
So it can just be over with
Oh why,
Not another fucking lover boy
After all of them
Oh no—
But this one's worse;
Maybe even the worst of all of them
Because as I exit my prison cell,
I find this dude behind bars—
Maybe even happily.
And now I'm out into the world
Supposedly free—
But still trapped with this mentality
As if whatever I had before—
Maybe even possibly the worst, lowest existence
At least for me,
Was somehow
Better
—can anyone tell me why?
Not even God, besides the obvious point that perhaps
The Devil is in the mind;
He likes to arouse,
To play games,
And tricks
And I,
Myself
Perhaps
Have fallen prey,
Not to become victim to this;
But a player in the game.
A pawn.
AND WHY HAS NOBODY DRAWN ON THESE YET,
THEYVE BEEN UP FOR AEEMINGLY
forever and always
And this nigga has
Not one snagged tooth
No graffiti tettoos
No fucking sharpie lip injections.
Nothing.
Do you remember that story how Johnny Depp hated his face up on a billboard—
So he went rogue and painted over it?
Yeah? So?
What if it's like that.
I don't think it's like that.
—I think it's the opposite of that, actually.
And if anything—
If I see not a one defacing of these posters
And they are everywhere
If anything,
Jimmy Fallon is the guy
With a spray bottle of acetone
And a fucking microfiber rag
Wiping that shit off
In his free time
WHAT FREE TIME?
You tell me.
But first—
Somebody—
Anybody tell me
Why this happened.
At all.
Anybody?
Somebody.
C'mon.
{Enter The Multiverse}
[The Festival Project.™]
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