Prod By Blū Tha Gürū
There was no cake under the candles— and I wasn't going to blow them out. If I took the moment to really think about my placement in the world, I was a mess— I aimed for perfect and wasn't— I had been exhausted the night before, not just tired, but exhausted.
Maybe this isn't the birthday I should be celebrating.
I was up early, but left late enough to be late. Why? Well, it just seemed nothing at all was going right.
I sang happy birthday to myself— but I didn't have a name to call her anymore. I was no longer supacree— but it I wasn't really— well, it was blu'sn birthday. I just usually celebrated it in August— but now I didn't celebrate it at all. I didn't celebrate anything. All I did was work— and not get paid for it.
Either way, my idea of a good birthday wasn't l. Sitting in my apartment listening to my neighbors slam the doors under a blanket of motorcycles roaring.
Besides that, I owed in three competition mixes — three mixes I had no means of doing without going somewhere else to do them, because my decks were still in the pawn shop.
Fuck making the bed.
I put in nearly two hours in the gym and put on a full face of makeup and fresh hair under my lucky hat.
Fuck the Monday morning grind. The subway car I entered smelled like hobos. I looked sharp, but for what? I wasn't sure what to expect.
I had put off showing up at the sound collective for the inside of a year. I skipped the Q& A with some fake model girl called LaLa who I was sure was meant to just look exactly like iwas intended to.
But I handnt quite made it to beautiful or perfect, which is probably why I shouldn't celebrate the day, let alone try to use the astrological energy for competitive mixes— it was Supacree's birthday, and so Supacree's friends and family would be thinking about her… and we shared the same tattoos, the same love for music, the same talent and drive:..
And oh,
The same birthday. It was my birthday. It seemed more important this year than any other so far, and I wasn't sure why. I had told myself 32 was too old to have kids, because my mother had been 32 when she had me— “too old” for a restricted and highly spirited child— however, now looking back, she had done well enough, I was glad to have her as a mother…lucky even. I had good morals, good habits, and good taste. I was a fashion rebel, a free thinking individual all together— not the same as anyone I knew or had ever met— ever met, that is. In my own mind I was closer to a celebrity in the way that I acted, dressed and thought… more like the music makers, movers and shakers, l and doers in the world than the people who I was surrounded by. But I was supposed to love them anyway—
Love them, without being like them— not trying not y, but just being myself, which automatically meant I was typically void of the lackluster energies that depressed me, filled me with anxiety, and fear that I would be trapped in a realm lost amongst them forever.
..:
Almost a complete disaster, but not— there was always something special about the day after my birthday, especially since that time I floated after ultra Miami. Apparently, normal people don't just float. Maybe I wasn't a normal person.
I laughed and I laughed and I laughed until I orgasmed— not quite levitation, but an equally pleasant enough experience to have marked the day in my mind as one to be considered as somewhat special. Maybe my birth time in actuality had warranted that the day after as part of the day… but I had been born in this lifetime at least twice. Still, whatever energy was looming from my first step into this incarnation was heavy— so heavy that it brought me into a mind state that drew to the art that was familiar. The art that made me grateful for my life, and my upbringing— and all the things I loved. Apparently I had created this world and this life all in my mind— I had somehow crafted this intricate art piece as such that it could call me to remember the very origins of my being. The very essence of my life as art.
Just as I reminisce the artwork I had found in the museam, my father called to wish me a happy birthday, and though I disdained my birth name for so many years, it for the first time in a long time was music to my ears. Beautiful , sweet music to be called by the name I had been born as.
Tales of a Superstar DJ.