Good people have good friends
So maybe I' no good
Maybe I'm no good
Though I'm luckier than most, I know
I just can't cope
So maybe I'm no good
When's the last time you been to Dimedale?
…Timmy?
I guess.
V.O.
I try not to double back on old habits.
TIMMY TURNER turns the corner on his motorcycle just a bit too fast— he is clipped by a turning semi truck, a bright blue freighter that unhinges as the headlights blare into his widened eyes under the semi translucent visor of his rainbow swirl pink helmet.
V.O.
TIMMY TURNER
“Try” not to, anyway…
{enter the multiverse}
I put a terabyte of stored documents and files back into the cloud and suddenly, after my morning run—
CUT TO
Welcome home, kid.
Yeah, I…
The jail cell door slams shut.
TIMMY TUNER (reprised by Drake Bell)
Late 30'e-early 40's is awaiting trial after the stint in the hospital followed by
V.O.
Detox…
…Rehab.
Jesus Christ.
After his bloodwork revealed lethal levels of multiple intoxicants in his system, and although he was not technically at fault for the accident, he has been charged with driving under the influence, as well as a number of other crimes—
However;
His black duffel back has mysteriously vanished,
And he has not been charged for any of the many possible other crimes considering the also mysterious contents of said bag, which was with him at the time of the accident, but not logged into evidence.
MEANWHILE…
WALTON GOGGINS?!
Yep, that's me.
*Mr. Walton GOGGINS.
No, get out.
What.
GET OUT.
[The Festival Project ™]
A shadowy ass figure appears behind Timmy in his cell.
Woah.
Hey.
COSMO (Jimmy Fallon, in this dimension)
Why Jimmy Fallon.
I got.
*blank stares*
I did— a thing.
A thing.
Fucking magic circles.
CRISIS.
THE COSMIC AVENGER IS IN DEEP CRISIS.
AVERT!
Anyway,
COSMO
Timmy.
TIMMY TURNER
yeah.
COSMO.
It's me.
TIMMY
“You” who?
COSMO
“Yoo-hoo” classic
.
TIMMY
Ha-ha—very funny—wait—
COSMO
Uh huh.
TIMMY
Cosmo?!
COSMO
Uh huh!
TIMMY
What! You're, like—
COSMO
You don't look too good yourself.
TIMMY
(Irritated)
Whatever. Where's Wanda?
COSMO
Not in high security prison.
TIMMY
What are you doing here?!
COSMO
…I'm your roommate.
TIMMY
What?!
COSMO
I know, this is an interesting turn of events.
TIMMY
No it isn't. This is television!
(Breaking fourth wall)
COSMO
(Beat)
—you're right.
[beat]
(Cosmo drifts off)
TIMMY
Cosmo!
Where are your wings?!
COSMO
(Half asleep)
I'm not sleeping!
TIMMY
Your wings?
COSMO
I lost them!
TIMMY
How?
COSMO
In a poker match
TIMMY
Permanently?!
COSMO
Hm? No. Nothing is permanent, but—
TIMMY
But what?! This is crazy?! What are you doing here?! Where's Wanda.
COSMO
Listen, about me and Wanda.
TIMMY
Don't tell me—
COSMO
Alright, I won't. But listen:
TIMMY
This is crazy.
COSMO
It is crazy, but I have a plan.
TIMMY
Well, what's your plan?!
COSMO
I still have some magic left.
TIMMY
Some?! Well what happened?
COSMO
(Shrugs, at a loss)
Look— Timmy.
TIMMY
This is wild!
COSMO
I need you to make a wish!
TIMMY
…what.
COSMO
A wish. A wish, Timmy!
TIMMY
Oh, no— not this again.
COSMO
It's the only way!
TIMMY
But you're not even my fairy anymore!
COSMO
Timmy Turner, I will always be your fairy.
*sniffs*
(Kind of awkward, heartwarming moment— they hug; the guard peeks through the window and squints at them, grimacing)
Wide shot of two dudes hugging in prison.
TIMMY
Okay…
COSMO
Yeah, let's.
TIMMY
Yeah.
COSMO
Anyway, Tim, I need you to make a wish.
TIMMY
“Tim” don't call me that!
COSMO
Well, it's weird calling you “Timmy, you're like 40.”
TIMMY
Yeah, but—
COSMO
Make a wish, Timmy.
[beat]
The guard peers in through the window, this time with popped corn
TIMMY and COSMO both squint awkwardly.
COSMO
Uh…
TIMMY
Yeah, okay—
COSMO
Hurry.
TIMMY
I wish…
*POOF*
Suddenly, Cosmo and Timmy are back in Timmy's old room— not much has changed, but it seems off and kind of odd;
TIMMY and COSMO are still— well— aged.
Just then, TIMMY'S FATHER enters through the door.
TIMMY'S DAD (Chris Parnell) enters, leaning into the door.
TIMMY'S DAD
Timmy?!
TIMMY
Uh… DAD!
TIMMY'S DAD
(He squints suspiciously at Cosmo)
…and who's this?
TIMMY
Uh, this—
TIMMY'S DAD
…it's Wednesday… isn't it?
TIMMY
This, uhm…
COSMO
I'm uh—
TIMMY
This is my—
COSMO
Ahem. Parole officer.
TIMMY
Yeah.
TIMMY'S DAD
You never cease to disappoint me, son.
TIMMY
Thanks.
TIMMY'S DAD.
I'll leave you to it.
Before he gets exits, he pauses for a moment and stares into Cosmo
// parallel (as) Chris Parnell / as Jimmy Fallon.
TIMMY'S DAD
(To Cosmo)
…do I know you?
COSMO
No, I don't think so.
TIMMY'S DAD
Are you sure?
COSMO
Positive…pretty much.
TIMMY'S DAD
You're probably right— you just
TIMMY
Uh, dad—
TIMMY'S DAD
You look so familiar.
COSMO
(Flatly)
…no, I don't.
TIMMY'S DAD
No, no— I got it! Wednesday evening poker club?!
COSMO
TIMMY
COSMO
That must be it.
TIMMY'S DAD
I knew it.
COSMO
…right.
TIMMY'S DAD
I thought that was you. Anyway, as you were— I'll let you, uh—
COSMO
Yes!
TIMMY'S DAD
See you tonight!
COSMO
You betcha!
TIMMY'S DAD
(Suddenly coldly, to TIMMY)
Timmy.
*he shuts the door*
TIMMY
COSMO
TIMMY
“Wednesday Evening Poker Club”
Where would you even come up with something like that.
COSMO
The thing is, I do play poker on wednesdays!
TIMMY
What!
COSMO
I didn't know that was your dad!
TIMMY
Yeah, about that; why can my dad see you?
COSMO
I told you, I lost my magic.
TIMMY
All of it?!
COSMO
Obviously not all of it— enough to get us out of that last mess!
TIMMY
Oh, this is awful. We have to find Wanda!
COSMO
no, wait!
As TIMMY attempts to leave, a loud ringing from his ankle begins to ring; TIMMY'S FATHER returns just to squint, scowling at his son before murmuring
TIMMY'S DAD
you know the rules.
TIMMY steps back inside the room, his father shuts it, at first normally, then slamming it at the last moment.
COSMO
Yeah, that.
TIMMY
What is this?!
COSMO
You're under house arrest! Obviously!
TIMMY
What!! What gives?!
COSMO
I granted your wish!
TIMMY
Like, half of it!
COSMO
Half is about all I've got—!
TIMMY
Are you kidding me?!
COSMO
I wish!
TIMMY
Geez, why can't you grant you grant your own wishes?
COSMO
It might totally defeat the purpose. And without Wandaaa
TIMMY
WHERE'S WANDA?!
COSMO
I don't know…
TIMMY
We gotta get out of here.
COSMO
Well, I can leave. You can't.
TIMMY
Okay…
COSMO
Yeah, that's.
TIMMY
What If I wished for Wanda to be here, then?
COSMO
… I don't know.
TIMMY
That's what I'll do.
COSMO
I don't know, Tim.
TIMMY
Stop calling me that.
COSMO
It's very weird calling you “Timmy”
TIMMY
That's my name.
COSMO
Whatever!
TIMMY
I wish Wanda was here!
COSMO
No!
TIMMY
What! Why not,
COSMO
She might get mad.
(She will definitely be mad)
TIMMY
Well, that's my wish.
COSMO
No!
TIMMY
That's my wish! Grant it!
COSMO
Ugh…
L E G E N D S
WANDA, who has been living her best life as a recent divorcee and retired fairy godmother, is whisked away from her tropical paradise vacation to DIMSDALE, CALIFORNIA, where her ex husband COSMO and former fairy god child, who is now a harshly aged party animal on PAROLE sit nervously as she arrives to greet her.
WANDA is furious.
{enter the multiverse}
Seth MCFARLENE is so Hollywood.
SETH ROGEN DONT know where his pants is.
SETH MEYERS is trapped in a box with almost no air holes at all
And SETH GREENE is the life of the party.
[The Festival Project™ ]
{Enter The Multiverse}
L E G E N D S:
ICONS
Tales of A Superstar DJ
The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū
Ascension
Deathwish
-Ū.
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