Today, more than ever we need listening, curiosity and asking questions to be able to support ourselves and those around us. Our speaker today will be covering that topic for us. During this time our children and those around us are experiencing all kinds of feelings including uncertainty, not feeling safe, frustration and many more that we cannot even define. The only way to know what a person is experiencing is by being curious, asking questions and listening.
About our guest:
Judy Sabah turned an inherent love for people into a dynamic life long career. She has been coaching since 1994 she is a 1996 graduate of CoachU, a Certified Self Leadership Axiogenics© Coach and earned the Master Certified Coach designation through the International Coaching Federation in 1999.
Judy dedicates herself to assisting clients in deepening their understanding, knowledge, and acknowledgment of their own intrinsic value and is an expert in listening, being curious and asking questions.
She is co-founder and past president, 1993/94, of NSA – National Speakers Assn CO chapter and founder of ICF – International Coaching Federation CO chapter.
About the episode:
Through this pandemic we are in right now (March 2020), we are facing a lot of uncertainty. Making decisions from this moment, right now, is the best place to start. A lot of people don't feel good about uncertainty, we like knowing what we are going to do and setting goals. How can we be of support to ourselves and the people around us? Let's find out.
Curiosity is an untapped resource. With everything that occurs... if we become curious about how we might be able to do things differently, for example (Grocery stores opening the store 1 hour before for our senior citizens to shop first) (How can we support our children while they are home). We can come up with ideas that we will be using years from now. This would never have occurred had this pandemic not happened. We can get into a routine, which by being curious can get us to a better place.
Listening is so much more than just being quiet while somebody else talks while you are formulating what you are going to say. This is just not true! If you are watching a TV program or reading an article while somebody is talking to you, you are NOT listening. Listening is a skill we can all learn. Put down the distractions and be totally present. Face the person, if possible. Be open, then as the person is talking… use prompts such as... aha... I see... Ok... and then what happened?... What feeling does that bring up for you? Could you tell me more about that? What is it that you need? What do you want? How can I help you? How can I support you? Feeding back to the person what you heard... letting the person really know that you are with them. Just that act alone will increase their feeling of security. WE ALL NEED TO BE HEARD. Really get in tune with the feeling that is being expressed... When somebody is crying... it's an expression of an emotion. There is no need to change what you are saying to save the person or change their feeling. It's an opportunity to just be with them. Even offering kleenex can break the expression they are sharing with you.
Asking Questions takes our mind into a different place. We can find new ideas for ourselves and the people around us. Something most of us want to give, but don't want to receive is…ADVICE. Unless they give you permission to tell them what to do, then just listening is far more helpful than unloading your advice on them.
How to practice Extraordinary Support
Be totally present & attentive.
Don't check email.
Be focused on listening.
Don't be reading something or doing something.
Be open. Have a non-judgmental mindset.
Use the prompts
I hear you…
I‘ll bet that feeling sucks.
I see you… you are not alone..
I've been in a similar place and it's really hard.
I imagine a lot of us experience that.
I understand what that's like.
Hear the meaning of what is being said.
Ask clarifying questions.
Can you tell me more?
I'm curious about…
What else is there?
What feeling does that bring up for you?
What is it that you need?
What do you want to come out of this?
How can I support you?
Ask clarifying questions - for when you are working with someone to solve a situation
I'm wondering if…
Help me understand…
Walk me through…
Can you share with me how you see we could make this work?
What problem are we trying to solve?
Restate what you are hearing to be sure you are correctly hearing them.
What I heard you say is… this is called active listening.
Be OK with silence.
Provide support in a curious way.
Would you consider an idea?
Would you be open to trying something that might help?
Eliminate the word SHOULD… change it to COULD.