INTELLIGENT


INTELLIGENT


Wait, how did He know Dillon Francis is my son?

How is Dillon Francis your son?

How is Dillon Francis not my son?

Wait-- what?

I'm just having fun.

Nothing's funny.

I thought Skrillex was your son.

Skrillex is my son--Sonny is my daddy.

EWW.

Chill, it's just a joke.

It's not funny. Don't ever say that, ever again.

I wouldn't--

You would.

Well, I wouldn't, I just...needed a chuckle.

Did ya chuckle?

Almost.

That moombahton part of the song was weird, though.

Wait, is Skrillex God?

No.

Yes.

What the fuck?

Keep up.

Keep up-keep-up-keep-up…

He wasn't even ON the lineup!

Ah, The Bus Song.

Terrific! We're fucked.

Fuckity-fucked. This bitch is NUTS.

CO-CO-CO-CO--

“Malibu Remix? Alright Dillion Francis, this better be decent…”

PLOMP.

Ahhhhh, yes.

Wait, what about the Dragonhawks?

Ah, fucking--not The Tods--

What the fuck is A Bampheramph?

What the fuck did you do in there?

I didn't.

She ran like a bat outta Bass Canyon.

This isn't Skrillex, guys.

UH, yeah it is--

It isn't, it's just a shapeshifter disguised as him, she's trying to find him.

Why, how would that help find him?

Honestly, i've just been using it to skip the lines.

WOAH, IS THAT SKRILLEX IN THE MOSH PIT?

MEET-ME-IN-THE-MOSH-PIT-BITCH-MOSH-PIT-BITCH.

What the fuck is THIS?

This is a Scary Monster. Lamrarus, spit out the Dillon Francis.

*monster grumbles*

Now, please.

THERE IS NO PAST

What the fuckin-flip-is THAT?

What is this shit, anyway--is it, is it like a space ship? Is it like a galaxy? What is this shit?

SAMMI!

Oh, this bitch…


Oh, not this again--I told you--infinite

That's it, we're goin' to Skrillex. Get in.

Ahhh.

Get in bitch. We don't have time for this.

I thought there was no “time.”

Well, until I find another word to measure the increment that fits the phrase “Dillon Francis is a pain in my ass”, ‘time' is fine.

That doesn't even make sense.

GET IN. THE SHIP.

[He gets in the ship, pouting.]

Put your seatbelt on.

[He does.]

Now, play some music. I don't care what it is, as long as it's not--

DROP THE--

*DROP* (from occult classic)

Oh, shit--what's thiiiissss--

Oh, you like it?

...Wait, what is this?

What IS this sauce?

SPACEBOSS.

She's the SpaceBoss?!

If she isn't, it's Skrillex--is that what you want?

(In Unison) No.

That's what I thought.

...Isn't that Skrillex?

It is. I think he's lost.

He looks lost.

Should we get him?

“Lost In The Sauce Lands?”

She's coming, get lost!

Oh shit, does she know we're watching?

Nah.

I KNOW I'm being watched.

Aw, SHIT.

Watch THIS:

What?

Just watch.

Watch what?

It's nothing.

It's nothing right now, but just wait.

Wait for what.

Just be patient. This shit goes OFF

D-D-D-D-D-D-DROP THE--

Wait!

I said anything but--

It was already playing! It's your ship--

I'm very generous, Dillon Francis, I lend my ship out to a variety of dimenstionally-afflicted people in need of a vehicle. Just because it's my ship, doesn't always mean i'm the one driving it.

Okay, okay.

Now play something--ANYTHING but that--to set the tone, possibly for a montage, so I don't have to be creative and we can just--go cascading through space for a couple minutes.

They left a cake.

Why would they leave cake?

And a gift basket...it's nice.

Why cake?

This card has a note with it…

What kind of cake?

It's even decorated it...wait, how long have these candles been lit? The Whole Day?

The whole time.

That's crazy. Wait, the cake's decorated

What flavor is it?

Don't Lick it!

Lick It

What does it SAY?

It says...Happy...Bam...wait, what does that say?

HAPPY BAMPHERAMPH DAY, DILLON FRANCIS!

No, no, I'm not Dillon Francis. You're making a mistake.

Wait--which cup did he take?

What do you mean, “which cup did he take?”

WHICH CUP. DID. HE TAKE?

Hm. I wonder what's in the cup.

Oh, shit. He might be dead. I think you killed him.

He's not dead.

Looks dead.

He's not dead.

He looks--

*groans*

WOAH!

See.

What did you DO?

Okay, we're ready. Go get him.

What do you mean? I left him right here, I went to get--

What do you mean you LEFT him?

He was sleeping, what do you mean?

Well, where IS he?

I don't--

WHAT THE FUCK, JOSH PAN!

What? Everything's good. It's good. We planned it.

This is part of the plan?? What plan is this?

God's plan.

God's plan?

DRAKE: God's Plan—

WHAT THE FUCK, JOSH PAN!

Relax.

He's lost it.

Yeah, he's...

He's gone.

How long has he been like this?

I don't know, he just--

He was gone for a bit, nobody could find him--

Yeah, then he just comes back out of nowhere talking about being at some, lost lands in some alternate dimension, with some alien ninja or something--then he just--

He keeps talking about some Bampher...something, I don't know.

I'M CAPTAIN NOW.

Wait, what do you mean he attempted the fast with me?

He was attempting to match your actions, hoping you'd--

He can't do that!

Well, is--

IS? What do you mean--where is he?

I don't know, I just got off the phone with him,

Well, when was THAT.

I don't know..

No, you can't tell him that.

That's exactly.

Just let it go.

It's an act.

How could that be an act? It set me back like, I don't know, it just set me back.

What kind of psychic is that?

Maybe that's the reaction.

I didn't ask!

Nobody asked.

Why would they plant that?

This is like fatal attraction

What if he's not attracted?

Then, it's just, I don't know Back To The Future: Fuck That

Fuck That.

I'd watch that.

You are watching it.

(I'm writing it.)

(On OWSLA)

[Pink streams of fury are blasting through the atmosphere, piercing through the immediat

AHHHHHHHH.

What the fuck is THAT

Passionate Fury. Just...furious.

It's destroying everything!

Relax,it's just Lihri, she's mad

WHO THE FUCK IS THAT.

A Monster, I think. Don't worry about it. You'll see.

Monsters?!

THIS SHIT IS CRAZY.

Why is it PINK.

AHHHHHHHHH.

[from spongebob: MY LEGS]

It's pretty. Ahh, stop it. It tickles.

TICKLES?

NIGGA.

THIS IS ITCHY!

Yours is itchy?! My MIND is BLEEDING.

I'm just REALLY hungry.

Yep, that's Lerhi. Ah, well. Have a good night, guys. I'm beat.

[Following Immediately After]

Sonny what just happened?

[More blasts.]

...Happening…

[he does less than respond, but sighs heavily (as if, even, to be relieved) and sits back, as the world shatters around him

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